Interrogation

Worse than being hung on the outstretched finger of Sir Alexander Flemming, was reliving the incident to a pair of police officers who were certain that you had murdered your bully.

“Where were you Saturday evening,” Officer Buck asked.

“I was at home, with my family,” Troy answered.

“They’ll attest for your whereabouts?” Officer Gary asked.

“Can I talk to my mum?”

“What, so you can straighten up your alibi? I don’t think––”

Officer Buck interrupted, whispering that Troy was allowed a guardian by law in Officer Gary’s ear. Officer Gary looked displeased and said, “Fine, but we’re watching you, kid.”

Based On A True Story

Tibbles was a cat who was unceremoniously ripped from his home, and brought to an island with two men and a lighthouse. He was used to being fed, so when several days had passed and Tibbles hadn’t seen a morsel of food, he took matters into his own paws.

Hunting for the first time, Tibbles found an easy target: a flightless bird. Tearing into its flesh, Tibbles was overcome with pleasure from both the succulence of his prey, and the pride of being a true predator.

Months later, Tibbles had hunted that wren to extinction, and was now left with nothing.

Into The Woods

Ranger Roger was telling a ghost story to the boys of Camp Straightwood, a place that helped gay teens become straight.

“Later that night, when Joe returned to his cabin, he found his friends...” Roger paused, and then stood up and yelled into the forest behind him, “damnit Lance, you missed your cue!” He received no response, and walked back to where Lance was supposed to be hiding. He heard growling and grunting nearby, but saw no sign of him.

And then, behind a tree stump, horror: Lance was balls-deep inside Todd, a camper.

“Damnit, Lance!”

“What, he’s 18. It’s okay!”

Gray's Anatomy

“I’ll get the money that I lost, and my husband will forgive me,” Dr. Weller says.

“That’s great,” Mr. Tindal says, “but what’s wrong with my penis?”

“You think there’s something wrong with my plan? You don’t think it’s going to work? It has to work, because he’s John, and I’m Judy. We’re John and Judy! And I’m not spending my life with some McSleazy that I met at the bar across the street!”

“What are you, on Grey’s Anatomy or something?”

“Seriously? Seriously? You watch Grey’s Anatomy?”

“My wife does. I’m just in the same room,” Mr. Tindal mumbles, embarrassed.

Cat Heaven

When Renard’s mother fell ill, he quit his job to take care of her. She deteriorated, and on her death bed, she asked of him only one thing: to take care of her cats, all twelve of them. Now Renard was a jobless, lonely, miserable middle-aged man, who smelled perpetually of cat urine.

So when Renard stepped in front of a bus, the only thing on his mind was the magnificent relief it would be never having to see another cat again. Which, of course, made the bureaucratic error that caused him to awake in cat heaven all the more unpleasant.